566: The Thought Patterns Of Confidence With Tanaya Ghosh

Tanaya Ghosh is the founder of Tanaya’s Table, is an entrepreneur, media personality, food and travel writer, content creator and on-camera host. Combining her passions with her Bachelor’s degree in Sociology from UCLA, and her Masters degree in Public Relations at USC Annenberg, Tanaya has carved out a unique path of her own over the years. Growing up as a South Asian American girl in Southern California, she started out shy, quiet and reserved. Through life experiences and her personal journey, she’s learned to break out of that shell. Ever-curious about self growth and personal development, she’s made it her mission to delve deeper into the inner workings of how we let our stories form who we are, and how we can empower ourselves by breaking free of outside limitations and our subconscious beliefs. She’s obsessed with the art of living your best life, and has spoken at conferences, events and universities. A lover of all things food, travel, adventure and exploration, Tanaya loves laughing and squeezing as much joy out of life as possible, while inspiring others to do the same.

Tanaya shares how she is able to become the successful person that she is today with the help of working on positive thought patterns for herself to live her life on purpose and on her terms.

Bio

Tanaya Ghosh is the founder of Tanaya’s Table, is an entrepreneur, media personality, food and travel writer, content creator and on-camera host.

Cultural Background

Tanaya is of Indian descent.

Favorite Self Confidence Quote

Our deepest fear is not that we are weak. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. – Marianne Wilson

Definition of Self Confidence

Self confidence is how you feel about yourself when you’re in the presence of no one but yourself.

You have to first like yourself before you can love yourself. And you have to love yourself to embody true confidence. If you’re truly confident, you know you are worthy of all the good, so you naturally attract that when you go out into the world.

Her Life Before the Discovery of Self Confidence

Coming from a culture where people-pleasing was rewarded, especially being female, Tanaya grew up (even into her mid-20s) subconsciously trying to chase perfectionism according to everyone else’s definition of what perfect meant. But she came to realize that what her culture and environment viewed as “perfect” was never truly her. She realized that from an early age, she started to feel shame for being herself such as speaking her truth because it made others uncomfortable.

She learned to suppress that very real, authentic and intuitive part of herself, and she started to overcompensate by people-pleasing as a means of self-preservation to gain acceptance and love. But at what cost? Tanaya did all the “right” things to be a “good” Indian American girl, graduating with honors, getting her Masters, being an overall good person, and yet at the end of the day she couldn’t get away from being labeled as ”too much” by some people in her life because she couldn’t conform to the “silent, submissive female” archetype.

But eventually, through a lot of reflection and experiences over the years, Tanaya learned that you can never be “too much” of your true self. We are all mirrors, so if being who you truly are — not from a place of ego — triggers someone else, then that’s something they’re carrying, and hopefully they see it as an opportunity to grow. But you shouldn’t have to compromise your truth to make someone else comfortable in their baggage, and neither should anyone else.

The “AHA” Moment

Tanaya is really big on inner work, and over time she has gotten more self-aware about her own thoughts and feelings. One day, as she was featured on a news segment or something of the sort and had people telling her how great she was on camera, that she had “made it,” etc., she had a quiet moment to herself where she caught herself thinking, “why do I still feel like I’m not enough? Why do I feel so different from what everyone is telling me I am?” That was her actual AHA moment — even realizing that there was a real self confidence problem! There are moments when she still catches herself being self-critical, and only looking at the ways in which she is not enough, where she is lacking. But a lot of that changed for Tanaya through belief work and working on her thought patterns and the root of where these patterns came from.

Another moment that contributed to this shift was when, as she had inadvertently created this “always-happy cheerful” persona for herself, she faced tremendous loss and sad times. She struggled with sharing it with the world at first, because she thought no one would care about her story. But she learned that by sharing her story, the good, the bad, the personal, it can help others. She learned that her story matters, that she matters.

Her Life After the Discovery of Self Confidence

Liberating! Tanaya feels like her life has expanded in so many ways, and changed for the better. Her relationships and the quality of people in her life, both personally and professionally, has totally leveled up. Learning to have healthy boundaries with others and valuing her self worth has been a game changer. Because you can never receive from the outside world anything more than what you feel you’re worthy of receiving. She feels more aligned in her work and her purpose. She is learning to follow her joy and celebrate her wins more. She has always been the “what’s next?” type of person, but she has learned that she is worthy of being happy now, not someday. She is much more intentional about how she wants to feel, and what she wants to create, and trusting the process. Being comfortable with the uncomfortable.

The One Self Confidence Tip For the Listener

Spend time with yourself, without distractions. Really get to know yourself, learn to love your own company. Truly become your own best friend. You are your number one and that’s not wrong, sad or selfish. If you always look for what’s wrong, you’ll find it. If you always look for the good, you’ll find it. So train your brain to see yourself differently. It all starts with your beliefs, the stories you tell about yourself and getting to the root of where they came from. Because we’re not born judging ourselves. We learn to do that here.

Befriending your own shadow is huge. Learning to honor the not-so-pleasant things, like fear and other aspects we tend to suppress. It’s not about pretending those aren’t there, but choosing to move past it, to push yourself a bit farther out of your comfort zone each day. And with each step forward, your confidence will grow.